Why We Hate

Bad things happen. Sometimes apologies are made and things are corrected, sometimes not. Sometimes there is no apology. And sometimes those responsible have no idea of their actions.

Whichever the cause, the result is resentment and anger. Do we let it pass? Do we forgive and rise? Do we take it out on another? Do we pass it to our closest friends and relatives? We hate because we are taught to hate. We develop pride and ego who conspire to ‘help’ us.

We want to be rid of the pain. Anger and resentment hurt. There is no quick fix.

So the hate persists, it grows like a cancer, and spreads. Is enlightenment the lack of reaction to anger and hate?

So you hate. I hate. What does it get us? In the end? Naught but pain.

So let it go. Bad things happen but what defines us is how we handle it.

Be well. Live, laugh, and love.

You Can’t Fix Them

So you fall in love. They are great, you enjoy each other, and you are good friends. You become serious and maybe move in together or become exclusive or make plans to marry.

Then things arise. Could be small, could be large, but like that pebble in your shoe, you can’t ignore it. You do the right thing – you talk to them. You ask for it to change in a way that works for you. You cannot reach them. You keep trying. You fail.

So what do you do? You try very hard to make it work and it does not. Face it. You can’t fix them. If you lack confidence, ask your friends, etc. if your requests are unusual or harsh. Get some backup. Then….do what you must. You must move on.

You will hurt from this deeply as you wished and wanted soo much more. And if its crazy stupid love, well, hold on for turbulence ahead. But keep going. Never stop.

You have value. You are important. You will be an amazing unique partner to some lucky person. You deserve happiness. No one will ever hand this to you. You must be grateful each day. You must be externally focused. Never lose sight of this. You can’t fix them.

When it just feels too much

Life is strange and wonderful. Even at its worst, there is beauty. Sometimes the hardest things create wonderful outcomes.

So today was hard. Maybe its a demon in your head or heart. Maybe its a failed relationship. Maybe you are too weak to fight an addiction. Maybe your body is ravaged by pain. Will these events define you?

Will you do your best to rise above or will you fall to the lowest common denomiator? Will you stand up for yourself and those you love? Or fall? Choose. And choose wisely not easily. Pay the price. Stand proud.

Today is another chance to choose.

So choose.

There is That Day

We all have them. The day where the previous night was rough and the following day is simply a continuation. Personal, professional, physical and spiritual its all horrid. You cannot focus and you wonder why you got out of bed.

But you did. And you are out there trying to do your best. You are trying to be kind despite what the world passes to you.

Some call it grace, some courage, some poise or presence. But it exists to some extent in all of us.

Realize what you had the courage to do today. Give yourself credit for what you have done. Get stronger today. Be kind today. If tomorrow never arrives, today will have been a good day.

Those days

We wake up and it already feels wrong.  We try to excuse the feeling, ignore it, shunt it aside.  It sticks with us. 

So here is where things can change.  Do we let it become ‘one of those days’?  Or do we look for the good regardless?  Sometimes it is hard to find the good.  We all struggle with it.  The pain, the shame, the regret, the anger – they all play a part in making us worse off.  How can we fight that?  

Starting small is the best way.  Anyone still six feet above versus six feet below can find a reason.  Maybe its the color of your skin.  The smile that makes people laugh.  The love of your family.  Whatever it takes.  You are fighting a battle. Dont let the negative win.   

You deserve better. Your family deserves better.  All those around you and those you love deserve better.  Look around you and find something beautiful.  

Today is not just a day worth living but a day worth enjoying.  Smile.  You deserve it. 

Life Takes Time

We all make mistakes, some large, some not so large.  We can minimize them, downplay them, and deny them.  But they are always there.  Who we are is defined by how we handle mistakes. 

Do we ask for fogiveness?  Say we regret the mistake?  Say I am sorry?  What truly needs to happen is to change place mentally with the person you offended and find out what hurts the most. Then go and address these issues quickly and with sincerity.  If they forgive you great but if not then let it and them go.  

This is truly about letting it go and forgiving yourself.  Its easier to ask forgiveness than to forgive.  This is true in our external and internal interactions.  The internal is far harder.  We relive moments, see the pain we cause and know we must do better.  Some among us possess a grace that allows them to realize their humanity and move on.  Some of us never see the pain we cause and are oblivious.  Some know the pain they cause and enjoy inflicting it.  And then some know and see the pain they cause and want to make it better.  It is to the latter group that this message falls.  

First, realize your shortcomings.  Certain people,places, and things create negative situations for us. Avoid them all. Do whatever it takes.  Cause no harm but make the change to avoid having to bear the scars later.  Second, the mistake happens and you make it right with the other person.  Third, allow yourself the anger, the shame, the disappointment.   Then work on getting better.  Be especially nice to strangers and nicer to your friends.  Go out of your way for others.  Then go and he nice to yourself. You allow yourself forgiveness when you believe you deserve it.  And not before. 

That is all you can do.  Give yourself time to fix it.  Life takes time.  

Sex

Why is sex taboo?  Why do we speak of it in hushed tones, embarrassed to express our desires and needs?  We are forced to believe this is dirty, unnatural, an animal only desire that should be contained and controlled.

Bound, gagged, caged, diminished, beaten down, and broken is our sexual ego.  Many of us have been exposed to sex as a weapon, a means of control, another way to be associated with the weakest parts of ourselves.  We end up being so repressed we either accept the least common denominator – someone else controls our sexual ego – or we make errors and hurt those around us.

Sex is powerful and is not meant to be treated lightly.  In choosing a partner – how is sex treated?  Like a gift?  A prize to be won?  This needs to change.  While sexual compatibility is important and must be measured, the connection of souls is more important.  Sometimes this connection occurs through sex, sometimes it does not.  But does the sex feel right?  It is giving of yourself at a very deep physical level and shows both desire but also a level of trust and confidence.

Sex is part of who we are as humans at a very deep level and trying to repress it is based in belief that humans have ‘risen above’.  Humans have not risen despite our impressive cities, technologies, and weapons.  We are desperately alone and weak.  We hide behind our possessions, our egos, our sexual blustering – both a victim and a perpetrator of sexual control hides – and we pray to whatever god we choose that no one can see.

You have been granted great gifts and an amazing planet to inhabit.  Show it.  Not just in how you treat strangers, or your partner, but how you treat yourself.  Do not be diminished by those who will control you in mind, body or spirit and sex is the intersection of the three for many of us.  Think long and hard about where you are sexually and decide.  Today is the day for you to reclaim what is yours and be strong for others who need your help.