There comes a time, some sooner, some later, when we have to stand for something or someone. These can be defining moments or more simple ones, but their importance is not always apparent immediately. We may have been fighting this battle internally for months or years in silence and all of a sudden it comes out. A common reaction to a person who has always cooperated, always been selfless, always worked to find a way, but now is standing firm, is shock. To those who always took advantage of this situation anger, frustration, and fear creep in. The aggressor wants to keep the status quo, maintain control, have it their way. The mental games that are then played by the aggressor can either stop, continue, or escalate. For someone who is not used to standing up, speaking up, and not backing down, this requires a change in mindset and transition from passion to discipline.
This show of courage must be sustained every day. This is not simply about a passion, but about a lifestyle. As the receiver of these negative emotions instills this discipline, there will be hard times. This is not an easy path to follow. But if the discipline is allowed to survive then the redefinition of the relationship and all relationships can happen over time. The rewards are phenomenal. The pain can also be phenomenal. But unless the pain is endured and lasting change made, the original and damaging relationship will continue.
Some of the outcomes of these interactions include loss of friendships and a sense of loss of control. Friendships that do not endure this change were generally not positive friendships. They were based upon the same negative principles as the main negative relationship. Make new friends that love and respect you as you are, not as they wish you to be. Loss of control is simply due a change in the perception of reality. What was really there was hidden from the negatively impacted person, who chose not to see these things. Now all of the ugly of the past is in plain sight. How could you have not seen this? Why was I so stupid? How could I let myself be treated this way?
These painful questions are easy to answer but hard to accept. You chose not to see it. You were clouded by emotions – love, fear, lust. You were afraid and unsure that if you stood up that no one would love you. No one would accept you. These are the emotions that kept you bound as a prisoner of your own misguided thoughts.
So you have made the choice to stand up and not back down. You have endured the pain and loneliness. You bear the scars. You are also free. Finally and truly free. You define who you are and can become. Find someone who will lift you up, not push you down. Someone who wants the best for you, because they love you, not because they want what you can provide for them. Stand.
Live, Laugh, and Love. Be well.