No False People

Judgemental or not, we assign people to roles in our lives. Its a positive thing in many ways but can be very limiting. What is far worse is to assign importance to people based on role versus who they truly are. Assigning importance this way is dangerous as it creates false people. False people are worse for you than simply being disappointed because you created this fake paradigm for that person and for yourself. This will not end well for anyone involved.

Guard your heart and know that people need to be in your life based upon how they treat you not how you ‘see’ them. Wanting to believe your heart is a beautiful thing. But letting it create an alternate reality is not good. When someone behaves in a fashion that is counter to how you see them the false person should shatter. If not, then you are on a bad path – get off it asap!

Be well. Live, laugh, and love.

Find your Stu

So lets be clear. Stu doesn’t know about this and I won’t tell him.

So I met Stu at a competition. I had gotten crushed. I was not his student. He came to help me get better in between matches. Two others from his school came to me as well. From that day on, my life changed.

Stu’s demands were simple. Excellence. Nothing less. Put in the time and show respect. Laugh.

So I did. But it was not just competitions. It was every part of my life. I demanded excellence and respect from myself and others. Nothing less.

My life was different. I hurt but had no regrets. I got hammered on the mat and smiled. I gave more than I thought I had. Pressures faded. People changed how they treated me.

Look for your Stu. They are out there. No bullshit people who will respect you once you respect yourself. Keep working hard and look for Stu.

Your life will change too.

Be well. Live, laugh, and love.

Why We Hate

Bad things happen. Sometimes apologies are made and things are corrected, sometimes not. Sometimes there is no apology. And sometimes those responsible have no idea of their actions.

Whichever the cause, the result is resentment and anger. Do we let it pass? Do we forgive and rise? Do we take it out on another? Do we pass it to our closest friends and relatives? We hate because we are taught to hate. We develop pride and ego who conspire to ‘help’ us.

We want to be rid of the pain. Anger and resentment hurt. There is no quick fix.

So the hate persists, it grows like a cancer, and spreads. Is enlightenment the lack of reaction to anger and hate?

So you hate. I hate. What does it get us? In the end? Naught but pain.

So let it go. Bad things happen but what defines us is how we handle it.

Be well. Live, laugh, and love.

You Can’t Fix Them

So you fall in love. They are great, you enjoy each other, and you are good friends. You become serious and maybe move in together or become exclusive or make plans to marry.

Then things arise. Could be small, could be large, but like that pebble in your shoe, you can’t ignore it. You do the right thing – you talk to them. You ask for it to change in a way that works for you. You cannot reach them. You keep trying. You fail.

So what do you do? You try very hard to make it work and it does not. Face it. You can’t fix them. If you lack confidence, ask your friends, etc. if your requests are unusual or harsh. Get some backup. Then….do what you must. You must move on.

You will hurt from this deeply as you wished and wanted soo much more. And if its crazy stupid love, well, hold on for turbulence ahead. But keep going. Never stop.

You have value. You are important. You will be an amazing unique partner to some lucky person. You deserve happiness. No one will ever hand this to you. You must be grateful each day. You must be externally focused. Never lose sight of this. You can’t fix them.

When the Pain Shines Through

Sometimes you have to make hard decisions. If you are lucky the people affected are less than or equal to two. Most of the time for most of us (that is definitive) it does not work that way. We hurt others. We fail. We cry. We feel shame, anger, and pain. Shame, anger, and pain become our friends. We are close to them not because we are hugging them but because they are hugging us.

Then it happens after some period of trying – the pain is laid bare to truth. What really happened? What part did I play? How can I avoid this? Can i somehow make this better? That brutal honesty with ourselves is valuable. Every failure involves something of our doing – witting or unwitting. It is part of life.

So what do you do? Learn, accept, forgive – them/it and you, and grow. Get better, not worse. Don’t deny your past, let it fuel your present. Don’t forget how you failed but don’t stop pushing forward.

Pain fades. Scars heal. Protect yourself and those you love first. No one else will. Make the hard choice today and live better tomorrow. You will respect yourself and help the other person in the long term.

When it just feels too much

Life is strange and wonderful. Even at its worst, there is beauty. Sometimes the hardest things create wonderful outcomes.

So today was hard. Maybe its a demon in your head or heart. Maybe its a failed relationship. Maybe you are too weak to fight an addiction. Maybe your body is ravaged by pain. Will these events define you?

Will you do your best to rise above or will you fall to the lowest common denomiator? Will you stand up for yourself and those you love? Or fall? Choose. And choose wisely not easily. Pay the price. Stand proud.

Today is another chance to choose.

So choose.

Persistence

There are gaps in time where things are not possible.  Life intervenes.  We fight the fires that are directly in front of us.  Sometimes it takes time to regroup.  But do yourself this favor on Black Friday – do not ever stop for anyone or anything.  Keep your eye on what is at your core and never settle.  You will start living a life of purpose, of love, of real meaning.  Black Friday and Cyber Monday celebrate the worst of humanity.  Conspicuous consumption on a level that is far beyond anything we need.

We are conditioned to believe its never enough.  Every commercial, every program push an agenda.  Think for yourself starting today.  What is true?  What is right?  What do I really need?  Who do I really need/who demonstrates that they want me?  Not some picture of you, but the real you – warts and all.

Be kind to yourself starting today – live in the real world, as yourself, take only what you need, share what you can, give away all the rest, think of our earth every day, and never, ever stop.

Be well, Live, Laugh, and Love Like Tomorrow is a Long Way Away