You Can’t Fix Them

So you fall in love. They are great, you enjoy each other, and you are good friends. You become serious and maybe move in together or become exclusive or make plans to marry.

Then things arise. Could be small, could be large, but like that pebble in your shoe, you can’t ignore it. You do the right thing – you talk to them. You ask for it to change in a way that works for you. You cannot reach them. You keep trying. You fail.

So what do you do? You try very hard to make it work and it does not. Face it. You can’t fix them. If you lack confidence, ask your friends, etc. if your requests are unusual or harsh. Get some backup. Then….do what you must. You must move on.

You will hurt from this deeply as you wished and wanted soo much more. And if its crazy stupid love, well, hold on for turbulence ahead. But keep going. Never stop.

You have value. You are important. You will be an amazing unique partner to some lucky person. You deserve happiness. No one will ever hand this to you. You must be grateful each day. You must be externally focused. Never lose sight of this. You can’t fix them.

When the Pain Shines Through

Sometimes you have to make hard decisions. If you are lucky the people affected are less than or equal to two. Most of the time for most of us (that is definitive) it does not work that way. We hurt others. We fail. We cry. We feel shame, anger, and pain. Shame, anger, and pain become our friends. We are close to them not because we are hugging them but because they are hugging us.

Then it happens after some period of trying – the pain is laid bare to truth. What really happened? What part did I play? How can I avoid this? Can i somehow make this better? That brutal honesty with ourselves is valuable. Every failure involves something of our doing – witting or unwitting. It is part of life.

So what do you do? Learn, accept, forgive – them/it and you, and grow. Get better, not worse. Don’t deny your past, let it fuel your present. Don’t forget how you failed but don’t stop pushing forward.

Pain fades. Scars heal. Protect yourself and those you love first. No one else will. Make the hard choice today and live better tomorrow. You will respect yourself and help the other person in the long term.

When it just feels too much

Life is strange and wonderful. Even at its worst, there is beauty. Sometimes the hardest things create wonderful outcomes.

So today was hard. Maybe its a demon in your head or heart. Maybe its a failed relationship. Maybe you are too weak to fight an addiction. Maybe your body is ravaged by pain. Will these events define you?

Will you do your best to rise above or will you fall to the lowest common denomiator? Will you stand up for yourself and those you love? Or fall? Choose. And choose wisely not easily. Pay the price. Stand proud.

Today is another chance to choose.

So choose.

Persistence

There are gaps in time where things are not possible.  Life intervenes.  We fight the fires that are directly in front of us.  Sometimes it takes time to regroup.  But do yourself this favor on Black Friday – do not ever stop for anyone or anything.  Keep your eye on what is at your core and never settle.  You will start living a life of purpose, of love, of real meaning.  Black Friday and Cyber Monday celebrate the worst of humanity.  Conspicuous consumption on a level that is far beyond anything we need.

We are conditioned to believe its never enough.  Every commercial, every program push an agenda.  Think for yourself starting today.  What is true?  What is right?  What do I really need?  Who do I really need/who demonstrates that they want me?  Not some picture of you, but the real you – warts and all.

Be kind to yourself starting today – live in the real world, as yourself, take only what you need, share what you can, give away all the rest, think of our earth every day, and never, ever stop.

Be well, Live, Laugh, and Love Like Tomorrow is a Long Way Away

Why today matters

There comes a time for everyone when getting motivated is hard.  The goal may even be just to get out of bed.  But think about it – this is all you have. No matter how successful how happy how lucky – today and now is all – it is everything.  Memories are great and hopes and dreams keep us alive but now is the best.  Why?

You can change everything right now.  Good decision = better future.  Bad decision = worse future but to be fair its hard to differentiate good vs bad.  So fo your best face the reality, find the beauty, show gratitude, smile, and laugh.  It is a wonderful life and a true gift.  

Create good memories by living a great now.  Its that simple.  Be well. 

Soreness

Sometimes it hurts right away, sometimes it takes time, but we know its coming.  Maybe its just an ache.  Maybe it truly hurts. And the duration is variable. 

So the pain has arrived.  It could be mental, physical, or spiritual. What do we do?

We greet it like an old friend. We live the pain when it feels like its all we have.  We wonder how it came to be – not what caused it – but how pain first started.  Pain is a way of telling you that if you continue doing what you are doing, there will be dire consequences.  So thank you pain. 

Eventually the pain subsides – from healing or death – and we are left with soreness.  Soreness is a reminder of change happening.  (Death is not treated casually here. It is serious but also not to be feared.) so you are sore – now what?

Get through it with every positive tool you have.  Friends, family, activity, kindness, and love. Do not deny the soreness its place. You must transition and soreness is how it happens. 

Realize where you are, why you are there, and if you like it.  If you like it then stay. If you do not like it then change it.  Embrace the pain, welcome soreness, and step into the light and love again.  

Be well. Live, laugh, and love. 

Those days

We wake up and it already feels wrong.  We try to excuse the feeling, ignore it, shunt it aside.  It sticks with us. 

So here is where things can change.  Do we let it become ‘one of those days’?  Or do we look for the good regardless?  Sometimes it is hard to find the good.  We all struggle with it.  The pain, the shame, the regret, the anger – they all play a part in making us worse off.  How can we fight that?  

Starting small is the best way.  Anyone still six feet above versus six feet below can find a reason.  Maybe its the color of your skin.  The smile that makes people laugh.  The love of your family.  Whatever it takes.  You are fighting a battle. Dont let the negative win.   

You deserve better. Your family deserves better.  All those around you and those you love deserve better.  Look around you and find something beautiful.  

Today is not just a day worth living but a day worth enjoying.  Smile.  You deserve it.