How You Fight Defines How You Live

No matter who you are, your demons will come for you and when they do, will you be ready? Have you asked yourself the easiest way to manipulate you – what are your weaknesses? What are the words that would touch you/haunt you/scare you? What are the actions of others that bother you most? What are your deepest fears?

So if you want to be ready, start facing them right now. Ask yourself the questions – do things that bother you – interact with people that bother you. Build a thicker skin. Words are words. Actions always mean more and are harder to resist.

You must start today and start small – but start.

The stress of regular life diminishes as you face down your fears.

Be well. Live, laugh, and love.

Why We Hate

Bad things happen. Sometimes apologies are made and things are corrected, sometimes not. Sometimes there is no apology. And sometimes those responsible have no idea of their actions.

Whichever the cause, the result is resentment and anger. Do we let it pass? Do we forgive and rise? Do we take it out on another? Do we pass it to our closest friends and relatives? We hate because we are taught to hate. We develop pride and ego who conspire to ‘help’ us.

We want to be rid of the pain. Anger and resentment hurt. There is no quick fix.

So the hate persists, it grows like a cancer, and spreads. Is enlightenment the lack of reaction to anger and hate?

So you hate. I hate. What does it get us? In the end? Naught but pain.

So let it go. Bad things happen but what defines us is how we handle it.

Be well. Live, laugh, and love.

There is That Day

We all have them. The day where the previous night was rough and the following day is simply a continuation. Personal, professional, physical and spiritual its all horrid. You cannot focus and you wonder why you got out of bed.

But you did. And you are out there trying to do your best. You are trying to be kind despite what the world passes to you.

Some call it grace, some courage, some poise or presence. But it exists to some extent in all of us.

Realize what you had the courage to do today. Give yourself credit for what you have done. Get stronger today. Be kind today. If tomorrow never arrives, today will have been a good day.

Persistence

There are gaps in time where things are not possible.  Life intervenes.  We fight the fires that are directly in front of us.  Sometimes it takes time to regroup.  But do yourself this favor on Black Friday – do not ever stop for anyone or anything.  Keep your eye on what is at your core and never settle.  You will start living a life of purpose, of love, of real meaning.  Black Friday and Cyber Monday celebrate the worst of humanity.  Conspicuous consumption on a level that is far beyond anything we need.

We are conditioned to believe its never enough.  Every commercial, every program push an agenda.  Think for yourself starting today.  What is true?  What is right?  What do I really need?  Who do I really need/who demonstrates that they want me?  Not some picture of you, but the real you – warts and all.

Be kind to yourself starting today – live in the real world, as yourself, take only what you need, share what you can, give away all the rest, think of our earth every day, and never, ever stop.

Be well, Live, Laugh, and Love Like Tomorrow is a Long Way Away

Why today matters

There comes a time for everyone when getting motivated is hard.  The goal may even be just to get out of bed.  But think about it – this is all you have. No matter how successful how happy how lucky – today and now is all – it is everything.  Memories are great and hopes and dreams keep us alive but now is the best.  Why?

You can change everything right now.  Good decision = better future.  Bad decision = worse future but to be fair its hard to differentiate good vs bad.  So fo your best face the reality, find the beauty, show gratitude, smile, and laugh.  It is a wonderful life and a true gift.  

Create good memories by living a great now.  Its that simple.  Be well. 

Those days

We wake up and it already feels wrong.  We try to excuse the feeling, ignore it, shunt it aside.  It sticks with us. 

So here is where things can change.  Do we let it become ‘one of those days’?  Or do we look for the good regardless?  Sometimes it is hard to find the good.  We all struggle with it.  The pain, the shame, the regret, the anger – they all play a part in making us worse off.  How can we fight that?  

Starting small is the best way.  Anyone still six feet above versus six feet below can find a reason.  Maybe its the color of your skin.  The smile that makes people laugh.  The love of your family.  Whatever it takes.  You are fighting a battle. Dont let the negative win.   

You deserve better. Your family deserves better.  All those around you and those you love deserve better.  Look around you and find something beautiful.  

Today is not just a day worth living but a day worth enjoying.  Smile.  You deserve it. 

We Keep Fighting and Losing

So each day, each night we fight our demons.  They come in waves at times, but never truly leave.  We try to combat them in various ways – we reduce our potential exposure to those temptations, we reset our activities, we change friends, become more thoughtful, start meditating, start an exercise program, take up a healthy hobby, end relationships, maybe even move.  We deal with everything but the root cause.

In the past I have never spoken in the first person, but this is different.  In some important personal recent events, I was forced to face my own weakness in the past.  Yes, I contemplated suicide.  I was alone, without those I valued most, my family were distant at best and hostile at worst.  I had to find a way to support those I had sworn to protect, make myself stronger, and re-focus my mind, body, and spirit.  I was fighting every day and night and losing.  I hid all of these thoughts from everyone.  I have never admitted this to anyone before.  I never told my counselor, my best friend.  I was ashamed of my weakness.

I started with re-framing my major relationships.  I did this for those who needed me the most.  I was not strong enough to fight for myself, so I fought for them.  I refused to be told how to behave/what to think/why to do things.  I worked hard to build on the positive relationships – the ones that had survived.  I pushed back on my family and made them realize I was valid and valuable.  I fought back in small ways and refused to back down.  As someone who hated confrontation, this was very hard for me.  It was my only path to freedom.  Eventually I became strong enough to push back against the worst offenders in my life.  It was ugly for awhile, but I was committed to making a real and lasting change.

I viewed my suicidal thoughts as a weakness that needed a cure and embraced the discipline needed to change it.  Eventually I looked at my suicidal thoughts as the weakest way out of my situation.  I have been given many gifts and for me to persist and resist to the last is what my duty is to those who love me.  They deserve no less.

So every day I fight my demons.  They never fight fair – and what is fair?  Prepare yourself with the love of those who really care.  Be generous and kind with your abilities.  Focus outside and protect those that need you and there is someone, something that will miss you, that needs your help and protection.  My demons come when I am weak.  They know how to take away my focus, take away my strength.  Here is the real secret – they need my permission, my weakness, my lack of focus to take this from me and by extension, those I love.  Do I still lose?  Hell yes.  Will I ever stop fighting?  Hell no.

Be well.  Live, Laugh, and Love.