The Hard Things

Life is not simple for anyone. We all fight demons, large and small. Some come in the form of people, and some are less obvious. We are all faced with hard decisions and tough consequences. How to make this decision?

Can you sleep that night having made the decision? How about tomorrow? Next week? Next year? Right <> Easy.

This process makes decisions easier. Its still hard and the pain may last for a long time but hopefully you can move past it with your head held high.

And get some sleep along the way. Think hard, be smart, stay true.

Live, laugh, and love.

When We Fail

We all fail.  We hurt others and disappoint ourselves.  We feel pain and blame ourselves, think less of ourselves, and the downward spiral starts.  We become less worthy in our own eyes and hearts, making us less a part of the ‘good’ in this world.  We deny the best in ourselves and let the ugly take hold.

Today be kind to yourself.  Let the past fade, accept your humanity, and work to do better in each interaction you have.  You will fail.  But acceptance and forgiveness will get you much further than destroying the good in you.

Be well.  Live, Laugh, Love and Move Forward.


Sometimes it hurts right away, sometimes it takes time, but we know its coming.  Maybe its just an ache.  Maybe it truly hurts. And the duration is variable. 

So the pain has arrived.  It could be mental, physical, or spiritual. What do we do?

We greet it like an old friend. We live the pain when it feels like its all we have.  We wonder how it came to be – not what caused it – but how pain first started.  Pain is a way of telling you that if you continue doing what you are doing, there will be dire consequences.  So thank you pain. 

Eventually the pain subsides – from healing or death – and we are left with soreness.  Soreness is a reminder of change happening.  (Death is not treated casually here. It is serious but also not to be feared.) so you are sore – now what?

Get through it with every positive tool you have.  Friends, family, activity, kindness, and love. Do not deny the soreness its place. You must transition and soreness is how it happens. 

Realize where you are, why you are there, and if you like it.  If you like it then stay. If you do not like it then change it.  Embrace the pain, welcome soreness, and step into the light and love again.  

Be well. Live, laugh, and love. 

We Keep Fighting and Losing

So each day, each night we fight our demons.  They come in waves at times, but never truly leave.  We try to combat them in various ways – we reduce our potential exposure to those temptations, we reset our activities, we change friends, become more thoughtful, start meditating, start an exercise program, take up a healthy hobby, end relationships, maybe even move.  We deal with everything but the root cause.

In the past I have never spoken in the first person, but this is different.  In some important personal recent events, I was forced to face my own weakness in the past.  Yes, I contemplated suicide.  I was alone, without those I valued most, my family were distant at best and hostile at worst.  I had to find a way to support those I had sworn to protect, make myself stronger, and re-focus my mind, body, and spirit.  I was fighting every day and night and losing.  I hid all of these thoughts from everyone.  I have never admitted this to anyone before.  I never told my counselor, my best friend.  I was ashamed of my weakness.

I started with re-framing my major relationships.  I did this for those who needed me the most.  I was not strong enough to fight for myself, so I fought for them.  I refused to be told how to behave/what to think/why to do things.  I worked hard to build on the positive relationships – the ones that had survived.  I pushed back on my family and made them realize I was valid and valuable.  I fought back in small ways and refused to back down.  As someone who hated confrontation, this was very hard for me.  It was my only path to freedom.  Eventually I became strong enough to push back against the worst offenders in my life.  It was ugly for awhile, but I was committed to making a real and lasting change.

I viewed my suicidal thoughts as a weakness that needed a cure and embraced the discipline needed to change it.  Eventually I looked at my suicidal thoughts as the weakest way out of my situation.  I have been given many gifts and for me to persist and resist to the last is what my duty is to those who love me.  They deserve no less.

So every day I fight my demons.  They never fight fair – and what is fair?  Prepare yourself with the love of those who really care.  Be generous and kind with your abilities.  Focus outside and protect those that need you and there is someone, something that will miss you, that needs your help and protection.  My demons come when I am weak.  They know how to take away my focus, take away my strength.  Here is the real secret – they need my permission, my weakness, my lack of focus to take this from me and by extension, those I love.  Do I still lose?  Hell yes.  Will I ever stop fighting?  Hell no.

Be well.  Live, Laugh, and Love.

of beauty

We spend so much time looking for beauty – in our friends, our work, our possessions, our physical appearance – but where does beauty truly reside?  In our mind and only there if it is true beauty you seek.  

Beauty is a choice and it is a deeply personal one.  Are we true to our true views or do we let others tell us what beauty really is?  Do we do what is popular versus what feels right?

The truth here is that beauty exists everywhere we choose to see it and in every interaction, every sentient being, every plant, every rock but only if it exists within us first.  We lose so much of what is beautiful with our critical thinking and analysis.  We choose to categorize everything to keep order in our lives.  Why impose order when our world has only one constant and that is change?

Embrace the chaos around us, see the beauty in every blade of grass, each floor tile, every stop light.

True beauty has a strong vibration that is subtle.  Feel for it in all of your interactions, strive to believe in what is wonderful, forget the pain, the disappointments, what happened to you yesterday.

Those that can see beauty of every moment actually live those moments.  These people can see the now, can hear the sounds of those who would help us, can feel the vibration of beauty around us.  Many of these people are children.

Don’t learn soo much that you forget how to think.

In our world today, the successful are those that are beautiful, have possessions, have power, have notoriety, have adoration.  We give ourselves away when we ignore the beauty that stares us in the face to look at the beauty others want us to see to serve their ends.

If you believe this is easy or simple to do, you are mistaken.  To see beauty, you must fight yourself first unless you are enlightened enough to have kept the simplicity and sight of a child.  This is a battle for your soul, do not treat it lightly.  You will need every tool you possess, all the love you can muster, and belief that your soul is meant to see all the wonder our world willingly show us.  Stand up for yourself, believe in the wonder of a child and the love you have for those most precious to you and fight.

Do I Really Want to Know?

Do i really want to know?  I feel its out there but I will not really face it.  Why not?  Its painful to know it, face it, and deal with it. Those are difficult and drawn out changes.
There are things we all feel but so few of us actually allow the feeling to become anything of substance.  We hope it goes away and most of the time it does.   When do we ever really pay attention to these feelings?  Usually when that is all we can feel or are forced to feel.  Yet we wish for connection but cannot speak the language.  We desire to have a way of knowing more but refuse to listen. We take the obvious in front of us as all there is and ignore the more important information that is soo subtle.  It is said the voice of the truly wise is not a shout but a whisper.
So we take the next step and sense the subtle.  And the reality of what we did not want to face subconsciously is right before us and it can be very scary.  We assign the same frailty to our spiritual being as to our corporeal being.  We create pain to go along with the fear and the injuries.  And we do not want to return.  The soft voice becomes too soft to hear.  Again.
But why do you allow what is in your head to determine how you believe?  You are greater than the sum of your parts.  You rule what exists within your mind, if only you take up the throne.  No one will hand it to you, you must take this yourself with the power of your own belief.  Then you can truly start to change, truly start to run your own life by starting with what exists in your head and driving away the fear, the pain, the negativity, the lust, the greed, the jealousy, and the anger.  Drive them before you like leaves before a hurricane and you will be free.

Accepting and Understanding

It follows that if there is good there is evil.  And if there are entities that fight for good, there are entities that fight for evil.  What many humans discount is the power of evil that is present in our lives because many only want to interact with the good in hopes they will intercede for them.  If the good entity does intercede against whom is the good entity striving?

There is evil in our world and there are entities – demons, arch-demons, shades, shadows, ghosts, et. al. and many are ancient and very powerful.  They prey on human weakness, be it arrogance, greed, lust, sloth, envy, gluttony, or anger.  All serve dark masters and all pass power to evil.  Fear is one of the greatest tools evil entities have over you and once you realize fear is a tool, it becomes harder for evil entities to use it.

Creating a level of abstraction is one way to face fear.  What this means is to look at the situation from an observers viewpoint.  How does this look or feel to an outsider and what is the final outcome?  This is not really affecting you but it is happening to someone else and if so that gives you power over the situation.

Was there ever a time without evil?  Not since life was sentient.  There has always been a juxtaposition of good and evil and there always will be.   We must live with a full understanding that there are forces outside of us that wish to affect us negatively.

So things that have gone poorly for you be it health, professional, personal, spiritual, financial, or sexual can all be potentially traced to evil entities.  While this is many times the case and why must it be this way?

Entities, both good and evil, gather life-force from living beings as a way of continuing to remain viable.

What this means to all sentient beings  is that guarding our thoughts and actions can truly drive the energy we wish to reinforce.  Create positive energy and it drives positive things, and create negative energy and it drives negative things.