Author: heartofthebear

Why We Hate

by heartofthebear, posted in Uncategorized

Bad things happen. Sometimes apologies are made and things are corrected, sometimes not. Sometimes there is no apology. And sometimes those responsible have no idea of their actions.

Whichever the cause, the result is resentment and anger. Do we let it pass? Do we forgive and rise? Do we take it out on another? Do we pass it to our closest friends and relatives? We hate because we are taught to hate. We develop pride and ego who conspire to ‘help’ us.

We want to be rid of the pain. Anger and resentment hurt. There is no quick fix.

So the hate persists, it grows like a cancer, and spreads. Is enlightenment the lack of reaction to anger and hate?

So you hate. I hate. What does it get us? In the end? Naught but pain.

So let it go. Bad things happen but what defines us is how we handle it.

Be well. Live, laugh, and love.

You Can’t Fix Them

by heartofthebear, posted in Uncategorized

So you fall in love. They are great, you enjoy each other, and you are good friends. You become serious and maybe move in together or become exclusive or make plans to marry.

Then things arise. Could be small, could be large, but like that pebble in your shoe, you can’t ignore it. You do the right thing – you talk to them. You ask for it to change in a way that works for you. You cannot reach them. You keep trying. You fail.

So what do you do? You try very hard to make it work and it does not. Face it. You can’t fix them. If you lack confidence, ask your friends, etc. if your requests are unusual or harsh. Get some backup. Then….do what you must. You must move on.

You will hurt from this deeply as you wished and wanted soo much more. And if its crazy stupid love, well, hold on for turbulence ahead. But keep going. Never stop.

You have value. You are important. You will be an amazing unique partner to some lucky person. You deserve happiness. No one will ever hand this to you. You must be grateful each day. You must be externally focused. Never lose sight of this. You can’t fix them.

When the Pain Shines Through

by heartofthebear, posted in Uncategorized

Sometimes you have to make hard decisions. If you are lucky the people affected are less than or equal to two. Most of the time for most of us (that is definitive) it does not work that way. We hurt others. We fail. We cry. We feel shame, anger, and pain. Shame, anger, and pain become our friends. We are close to them not because we are hugging them but because they are hugging us.

Then it happens after some period of trying – the pain is laid bare to truth. What really happened? What part did I play? How can I avoid this? Can i somehow make this better? That brutal honesty with ourselves is valuable. Every failure involves something of our doing – witting or unwitting. It is part of life.

So what do you do? Learn, accept, forgive – them/it and you, and grow. Get better, not worse. Don’t deny your past, let it fuel your present. Don’t forget how you failed but don’t stop pushing forward.

Pain fades. Scars heal. Protect yourself and those you love first. No one else will. Make the hard choice today and live better tomorrow. You will respect yourself and help the other person in the long term.

When it just feels too much

by heartofthebear, posted in Uncategorized

Life is strange and wonderful. Even at its worst, there is beauty. Sometimes the hardest things create wonderful outcomes.

So today was hard. Maybe its a demon in your head or heart. Maybe its a failed relationship. Maybe you are too weak to fight an addiction. Maybe your body is ravaged by pain. Will these events define you?

Will you do your best to rise above or will you fall to the lowest common denomiator? Will you stand up for yourself and those you love? Or fall? Choose. And choose wisely not easily. Pay the price. Stand proud.

Today is another chance to choose.

So choose.

So it is 2018

by heartofthebear, posted in Uncategorized

New Year. New hope. New promises to keep. So we think of things we want to do. We hope and we dream.

But what do we do about it? Not tomorrow, or next week. Today. Now.

Keep your promises to yourself first and then keep promises to others. Set a plan. Get up early and work late. Don’t ever stop.

Will this be easy? Hell no but its the best you got. Work as hard today as you can and hope for another day.

All we really have is now. Use it. Change your life and help others. Dont back off or back down. Fight for what you want because no one else will.

Be well. Work hard. Be kind. Never stop.

There is That Day

by heartofthebear, posted in Finding Meaning

We all have them. The day where the previous night was rough and the following day is simply a continuation. Personal, professional, physical and spiritual its all horrid. You cannot focus and you wonder why you got out of bed.

But you did. And you are out there trying to do your best. You are trying to be kind despite what the world passes to you.

Some call it grace, some courage, some poise or presence. But it exists to some extent in all of us.

Realize what you had the courage to do today. Give yourself credit for what you have done. Get stronger today. Be kind today. If tomorrow never arrives, today will have been a good day.

When We Fail

by heartofthebear, posted in forgiveness

We all fail.  We hurt others and disappoint ourselves.  We feel pain and blame ourselves, think less of ourselves, and the downward spiral starts.  We become less worthy in our own eyes and hearts, making us less a part of the ‘good’ in this world.  We deny the best in ourselves and let the ugly take hold.

Today be kind to yourself.  Let the past fade, accept your humanity, and work to do better in each interaction you have.  You will fail.  But acceptance and forgiveness will get you much further than destroying the good in you.

Be well.  Live, Laugh, Love and Move Forward.