Author: heartofthebear

Things Evil

by heartofthebear, posted in Uncategorized

We all have our demons. Some are large, some are small. Pride, greed, lust, jealousy, anger, and selfishness all play a part. As real as the food you eat, they exist to push and test you.

You must treat these emotions as physical and evil. The most horrible things start from that small whisper of jealousy or anger. Many times we hear what we want to hear. We are not objective. We fool ourselves. We strive for easy, not for reality.

Confront your demons – call them by name. (Names have great power by the way. More on that another time.). Once you stand face to face and you dont back down. It will hurt especially at first. But once you face what you have created, things get easier.

This is a game that never ends for the vast majority of us. Sometimes the demons are small and weak but many times we have fed them and they have grown. Its high time to starve the demons and feed youself.

Be well. Live, laugh and love.

No False People

by heartofthebear, posted in Uncategorized

Judgemental or not, we assign people to roles in our lives. Its a positive thing in many ways but can be very limiting. What is far worse is to assign importance to people based on role versus who they truly are. Assigning importance this way is dangerous as it creates false people. False people are worse for you than simply being disappointed because you created this fake paradigm for that person and for yourself. This will not end well for anyone involved.

Guard your heart and know that people need to be in your life based upon how they treat you not how you ‘see’ them. Wanting to believe your heart is a beautiful thing. But letting it create an alternate reality is not good. When someone behaves in a fashion that is counter to how you see them the false person should shatter. If not, then you are on a bad path – get off it asap!

Be well. Live, laugh, and love.

Find your Stu

by heartofthebear, posted in Uncategorized

So lets be clear. Stu doesn’t know about this and I won’t tell him.

So I met Stu at a competition. I had gotten crushed. I was not his student. He came to help me get better in between matches. Two others from his school came to me as well. From that day on, my life changed.

Stu’s demands were simple. Excellence. Nothing less. Put in the time and show respect. Laugh.

So I did. But it was not just competitions. It was every part of my life. I demanded excellence and respect from myself and others. Nothing less.

My life was different. I hurt but had no regrets. I got hammered on the mat and smiled. I gave more than I thought I had. Pressures faded. People changed how they treated me.

Look for your Stu. They are out there. No bullshit people who will respect you once you respect yourself. Keep working hard and look for Stu.

Your life will change too.

Be well. Live, laugh, and love.

You Don’t Stop Loving

by heartofthebear, posted in Uncategorized

So you get hurt. Could be a friend. Could be a partner or a coworker. Work through it with as much dignity as you can. Don’t create things that compound the pain. Don’t be mean. Don’t gossip. Keep confidences.

But you don’t stop caring. Sometimes seeing them just hurts. Hurts down deep.

So let it wash over you. Let the pain cleanse you. Don’t make a bad situation worse by making conflicting decisions because of pain.

It doesn’t mean you stop loving them. And you should keep loving. Loving is like anything else. You have to practice it.

So you miss them and still love them. Be proud you can love no matter the circumstance. And hold your head high.

Be well. Live, laugh, and love.

What you love, at the worst time and place

by heartofthebear, posted in Uncategorized

So sometimes you may be in the situation where you need to do something you love in a bad situation. Divorces cause this many times. The work you love but the love behind the work is lacking. If you have a passion, doing this work with love behind it is wonderful. It elevates the work. But if its painful, it can diminish the work. Anger is generally not a great work driver nor is sadness.

So your options are to produce something subpar or to do your best. The choice and the work is very hard but the satisfaction knowing you did the right thing is paramount. Do not create regret. Also, the work may not be the best you have but it needs to the best you can do in that situation.

Do not create pain for yourself. Pay the price. Do what is right and help yourself move forward. Do not listen to the negative things people will say. Pursue paths and take actions you can live with.

And love yourself a little more when all is done. You did something nice for someone who may not deserve it in your mind but if it helps heal a hurt why not?

Be kind. Live, laugh, love.

Why We Hate

by heartofthebear, posted in Uncategorized

Bad things happen. Sometimes apologies are made and things are corrected, sometimes not. Sometimes there is no apology. And sometimes those responsible have no idea of their actions.

Whichever the cause, the result is resentment and anger. Do we let it pass? Do we forgive and rise? Do we take it out on another? Do we pass it to our closest friends and relatives? We hate because we are taught to hate. We develop pride and ego who conspire to ‘help’ us.

We want to be rid of the pain. Anger and resentment hurt. There is no quick fix.

So the hate persists, it grows like a cancer, and spreads. Is enlightenment the lack of reaction to anger and hate?

So you hate. I hate. What does it get us? In the end? Naught but pain.

So let it go. Bad things happen but what defines us is how we handle it.

Be well. Live, laugh, and love.

You Can’t Fix Them

by heartofthebear, posted in Uncategorized

So you fall in love. They are great, you enjoy each other, and you are good friends. You become serious and maybe move in together or become exclusive or make plans to marry.

Then things arise. Could be small, could be large, but like that pebble in your shoe, you can’t ignore it. You do the right thing – you talk to them. You ask for it to change in a way that works for you. You cannot reach them. You keep trying. You fail.

So what do you do? You try very hard to make it work and it does not. Face it. You can’t fix them. If you lack confidence, ask your friends, etc. if your requests are unusual or harsh. Get some backup. Then….do what you must. You must move on.

You will hurt from this deeply as you wished and wanted soo much more. And if its crazy stupid love, well, hold on for turbulence ahead. But keep going. Never stop.

You have value. You are important. You will be an amazing unique partner to some lucky person. You deserve happiness. No one will ever hand this to you. You must be grateful each day. You must be externally focused. Never lose sight of this. You can’t fix them.